MonkeyBlog

Ah, and so here we are, a friday, my final day of work before i swan off to wales for a week.

i can't wait, i am spending a week in Llanbedr doing adventurous activities. now hang on a minute there, your not even listening to me now...your making your own jokes up in your head with that.lol

adventure training. naviagtion/hiking. climbing, kayaking, abseiling, mountain biking, canyoning. and whatever else depending on the weather. i cannot wait. last time i went on this camp i was just a young corporal in the atc, now i am still young, but am a member of staff so i am helping to run the course.

i love Llanbedr, it is beautiful. the outdoors has this hold on me, i can't get enough, i feel trapped when i am indoors. on a nice day snowdon looms above llanbedr and it is just the most magestic vision of beauty.

i will use this landscape to really get in touch with myself as i can go down to the beach and meditate to the sound of the oceans waves.

since becoming a buddhist, a few people have laughed and mocked me for it, but surprisingly most people have been great and infact a few have said that they have considered it as well. i feel great to finally be myself and be free. i have become a calmer person now because i don't let myself get stressed anymore.

well i must dash, i need to go and pack my stuff.

A woman was in a coma for several months, one day the nurses noticed a slight response while washing her private area. They rushed to her husband and explained, suggesting that a little oral sex might bring her round. To which he agreed. A few minutes later her monitor flat lined, no pulse or heart rate. the nurses rushed in “what happened” they cried. The husband replied “I’m not sure, she may have choked.”

Well i consumed my first alcoholic beverage for over a year the other night. wow.

it was my works annual awards night and i was nominated for an award which was fantastic. my mates asked if i would be drinking that night. now normally i wouldn't because of my racing i don't drink. however, this thing only happens once a year and i am injured at the moment.

I was pissed after my first drink.... a baileys. lol a few vodka red bulls later and i was rather worse for wear, causing some havoc with my mates until 4.30am.

upon finally reaching my bed i closed my eyes and felt like i was sinking into the floor at a phenominal rate. OH im going to be sick.

i open my eyes and the room calms down. oh this isn't good.

i lie there until 8am, scared of falling asleep for the thought of being sick. as soon as it was 8am i went down to breakfast and a full cooked brekfast and a yoghurt and a cup of tea and orange juice.

at least my appetite wasn't affected.

i felt pissed on the car journey home....i wasn't driving so you can relax. great i thought, i have staved off the dreaded hangover.

But no, sure enough, the headache kicked in and i felt like a zombie, my usual loud, bouncy humurous personality was replaced with the inability to do anything.lol

i think i'll stick to the pomegrante juice and the lemon and lime. oh my head.lol

Since my eye opener the other week i have really have become incredibly open minded.

i thought about what chris sharma had said and really pondered on it. i used to laugh and judge things that werent in keeping with the conventional everyday life that i knew. things such as meditation. i used to think it was stupid and always laughed at the thought of it. i was very narrow minded.

However, like liptons ice tea (which i happen to love) don't knock it until you try it.

so i went home that day and meditated. it was amazing, i felt something different straight away and now regularly do it every day. i have begun to enjoy work again because i don't carry stress around with me anymore.

Yesterday i looked to taking it to the next level, i am thinking of becoming a buddhist. At this point you are probably raising your eyebrows in surprise or rolling on the floor laughing and so i shall give it time to sink in............................................

A buddhist? let me explain.

I am not religious in any way shape or form, those that know me will totally agree with that statement, i don't believe in God or anything like that, there is far too much science to disprove otherwise. i am not getting into an arguement about religion, you are entitled to your own opinions for sure.

for me though, no, not for me.

My secondary school was completely bible bashing and obsessed with chrisitianity, i felt increasing repressed into having to believe in something i did not want to.

So why should i call myself christian?

Buddhism however is a philosophy on, life. All about your journey through life, what path you take and how you react to things.

I have read up alot of buddhism and when i read about its teachings and the noble eightfold path i realise this is for me.

this will guide me through life far better than anything christian.

This does not mean that i will become a monk at all, i will just carry on the way i am and continue to meditate because this is making for a far happier life for me.

It's been a while since my last entry on here and im so very bored. who would think that breaking your little toe (when technically it's no the little one, the one next to it. the piggy that had none.lol) could cause you to be so immobile.

The past three weeks have been a nightmare, relentless pain, i'm still limping. rest rest, everyone keeps saying. yet how can i? i need to walk and i can't walk on my hands, i tried once before and that ended painfully. And so how do you rest a part of your body that never gets rest? you can't. not without being bed ridden.

I am so angry as i was getting ready to peak for mansfield triathlon next sunday but it looks like i'm going to miss that now. I haven't climbed in 3 weeks aswell and it's been killing me.

I've started making little problems, if you can call that on my pull up bar by dynoing from over hand to under hand and wide and narrow grips etc.

But it isn't enough.

However, this "time off" has been an eye opener, i read an article today by chris sharma, my undoubted role model in climbing, but now also in life. lately i had become obsessed with climbing hard grades. i have only been climbing since september last year and already i like to think i'm at a good standard. i have done F7a indoors and F6B outdoors. However, i'm always pushing myself to climb harder and better. my techinque is improving tendfold, but i have become self centred in my climbing and selfish of my friends that climb around me.

Yes i climb harder grades than them, and yes i do encourage them alot when they climb. but i get wrapped up in a problem, in a grade. When i started to climb i climbed something because it was beautiful and inspiring. i have a very big soft spot for the over hangs and i see a line and it takes me away to a place where i am free from everything and myself. i just climb and am at one with the problem.

The competition that i won has been both good and bad for me. it taught me new techniques and pushed me and my abilities as a climber. it made me think about the problem and how to flash it, the importance of not falling off. Great.

But it took away what it important and thats the climbing. instead of looking at a problem and thinking "thats beautiful, i just want to climb that, feel what it's like, feel my body flow with energy and grace as i climb." instead i'd look at the problem and think "oh 6a, i could do that, it's hard, i can climb hard."

i saw the grade and not the problem. So what if my friends are climbing 4s and 5s, that makes them no less of a climber. climbing should be challenging yes, and yes i want to climb harder and better, but it should be fun. You shouldn't care about the grade. it's a number, it's not even a definative science because one mans 6a is another mans 7a. A grade is as chris sharma put it, something that egotistical climbers try to collect in order to make them look better than anyone else.

I'm never going to set the climbing world alight with my achievements, much as i'd like to; and so what does it matter if i climb 6B or not. Who cares? me? people who don't climb don't understand grades so it's pointless explaining. people who do climb would either think i'm a big headed arrogant idiot if i brag about a grade, or just think that it's rubbish compared to them.

Chris sharma doesn't grade his climbs, he climbs for the love of it. for being out in the beauty of nature. for climbing. it's those that try and match his achievements that put a grade on his climbs. Grades aren't important.

"It’s ideal to walk the middle line in life. It’s for sure the way of peace. I’m trying every day to find that way. I get lost on a path that from afar seems so simple. Sometimes I’m too lazy and sometimes I hurry too much. I’d like to be right between those extremes" chris sharma

I will continue to push myself all the time and still do competitions if it feels right. But...

After reading his full article i have rediscovered climbing. It has become clear why i climb. it isn't always a competiton, it isn't about climbing that problem because it's a 6a or whatever. I saw through the problem and almost saw a dot to dot line when i have studied problems in the past. now i shall see the problem for what it is, i shall appriciate the rock, the feel of the holds, the way the line takes me, the surroundings that it is set it. the feeling of climbing because i can. I am not better than anyone at climbing, i have much to learn, and i look forward to this new journey. i have been humbled and knocked down a few pegs. i shall not let my ego take over anymore as climbing can lead you to thinking with a high self importance and very self orientated. i shall respect the problem, i shall respect my friends and others around me and i shall enjoy the climb.

Thank you chris Sharma for making me realise what is important, and i apologise to any of my friends if i had become arrogant and something i'm not when climbing. i love you all.

Like the quote i put from chris sharma, life is a journey, a path of never ending challenges and yes from afar it seems so easy and you can happily judge from a distance. but up close and personal with each and every challenge it can get ugly. it can become easy to blur the reason as to why you take on a challenge and forget what actually matters. it's how you come out the other side that is make is important. they can make or break you as a person. But you must never shy away from the challange otherwise you will never know or grow as a person.

alot of what i do is comptition and about wanting to be the best and obviously winning. it becomes easy to forget to take myself away from that because that vast time of my waking and also sleeping day and night is dreaming of winning, conquering my challenges, but importantly proving to myself and to people that i can do these things. i will always want to win, thats my nature, im an athlete, thats what i feed on, but i am learning all the time, and i and beginning to know when it's appropriate to be so competitve or not. Like i say it's hard to dettach from my normal way of thinking because triathlon does engulf you.

i think it's important to go into something wanting to do your ut most best, but should it be always about winning or being the best. who knows, maybe thats the next path on this great journey that i shall discover, because each challenge teaches you about your self and i am becoming almost spitirual in my thinking about myself as a person. anyway i have waffled on for too long. time will tell.

i just want to thank everyone i know for being such good friends to me and for being patient and for putting up with me.

until next time.

Well i hadn't climbed for a few weeks, or at least it feels like it.

However i have been twice this week and it feels good. mind you tell my fingers that.

Nottingham have rebuilt the arch and it looks out of this world. it's jaw droppingly awe inspiring. i saw it and my heart was racing. There is going to be some Burly upside down climbing very soon.

today was a ace session, cracking off some really tricky problems. Some of them requiring a dyno finish.

problem 12 was especially good for that. i worked my way up and across to the final move. it was one hell of a reach up and left at the top, i worked my feet a bit higher. leaning back slightly to get a better view i weigh up my options. i have one and that is to jump.

If i miss i have a long way to fall, this doesn't bother me in the slightest, those crash mats are quite soft.

I launch myself upwards and across. Those couple of seconds floating through the air are magic. you aren't there for long and don't even have time to think. But the rush is amazing, seeing the top of that wall coming closer and closer until you slap your fingers into the jug and hold it. due to the over hang you body flicks out and you tighten the grip but it feels good. i match my hand to finish.

Content i turn around to jump down and see a few astonished faces, one boy said "you've got monkey skills man"

HEHE i know that. i did a wicked dyno on one wall that started low and as well as going up it came out due to a large over hang. it was a big dyno as well, not sure of the distance but very far.

i coiled myself up, i looked up and backwards to the pink grip, visualised myself catching it. then launched myself. its a super feeling as you fly backwards through the air hoping that you will catch the grip but not quite sure if you will or not.

"Whack" my right hand slipped into the grip, my whole body kept going up and back (it's one thing to catch this grip, it's another to hold it)

i held on for dear life and my body came back towards the wall. Done it, what a feeling!

well my fingers are once more shredded and my toe is even more painful....

i accidently kicked a doorframe the other day and my toe is completely purple and swollen and excruciatingly painful. and so did not take kindly to being crammed into my shoes.lol

But hey such is life

Well my race went very well indeed. Despite my worries due to my lack of training and only my third proper session of exercise since doing my back in.

i went into it incredibly focused. As i had done it the previous year i was mounting a hell of alot of pressure upon myself. expectations were low, however, i felt a personal best was in the making still.

The swim felt good, i had open water ahead of me in the pool and i even over took two people, i felt good as i ran into transition.

I struggled to slow myself down in T1 and rushed and fumbled with my shoes for a brief second, but as you see that shoe fall to the floor, you may already be reaching down for it, but it seems like it is falling for eternity, forever out of your grasp. time must be racing past. it seems like a life time but may only be a couple of seconds. however to me that is a lifetime, a couple of seconds lost could mean a couple of places.

As soon as i heard the reassuring click of the cleats in the pedals i was gone. the bike has always and will always be my favourite of the three disciplines and i was determined to press on and eat away the tarmac on my black aerodynamic stealth machine.
tucked up on the aerobars i began to fly past quite a few people.

Towards the end of the ride my quads were begining to burn, i was on the limit. i felt alive as the rain began to drizzle around me.

Entering T2 i was perfectly prepared, feet out of the shoes ready i was able to over take two more people before the dismount line. then a sprint to the rack, throw the bike onto it and slip into my running shoes, discard the helmet and im away.

The first few steps are always a bit wobbly so it's short fast strides to start with. i brace myself for the inevitable cramp to set in to no avail, i felt good. i pressed on. a few guys over took me, the first time i had been overtaken in this race.

I felt strong towards the end of the run and pushed myself, i sailed past a few guys and as i neared the end i put on a fantastic sprint and flew past one guy just before i crossed the line.

Thats it....ages preparing, days worrying feeling excited and anxious, sleepless nights, and for what, just over an hours work?

is it worth it? i crouch down by a tree feeling as though i want to be sick.

Of course it's worth it. This is what life is about, well not the sick bit but the rush, the high i am on after a race lasts for a good few days and its irreplaceable. almost immediatley i feel great and want to race again straight away. Ironman is calling, it wont be long until i answer the dream.

so i walk back to my car with my bike, where did i could? i pretend not to be bothered because i no i could have done far better with training...but don't you want to know? what you can do when you just have to step up to the mark and do something great?

The greatest acomplishments in life have been achieved by those not smart enough to realise that they are immpossible.

my motto in life, i live by it. and so with 1 hour 20 minutes 48 seconds to beat, what did i do?

1 hour 15 minutes and 47 seconds 146th/556 Men 152nd/789 overall

I couldn't really be happier with a result like that..i now have 4 months until this race is run again.

In the mean time lots of training, but also just as importantly lots of climbing to do.

until next time

Well, as i sit here i see that the skin has recovered on my fingers and they are itching. i want to climb, i amuse myself by climbing doorframes. Traversing from reception to the gym, laying back to the games bar and doing the overhang along the top of the long door frame.

i am even making a problem of the desk by starting under it and doing the low over hang with no grip what so ever, heel hook to the end for a mantel out. love it.

mind you, one of my gym members commented to me "your not normal are you"

Nope i know i'm not normal, and i love it.

whilst most of you are still in bed on sunday morning i'll be checking my bike before i set it up in transistion ready for my first triathlon of this season. my back is getting better and i am looking forward to it, despite not being able to train for 4 weeks. even now my wrist is in agony because i slipped on a mantel when climbing and have lost some mobility.

i feel like a caged animal. i haven't raced for one month since stokesley duathlon and i'm itching so much to race. The trouble with being an adrenilin junkie is that i was not designed for the mundane exisitance of work. i can't handle the every day monotonous grind, i need to be out there, surpassing 200BPM.

I can't sit still, even now as im typing away my leg is bouncing up and down, i constantly fidget, im constantly looking about the place for something crazy to do. earlier i was taking the boring to the plant room, then i had to go to the maintenance office. i have taken a fascination to "free running" or "parkour" and so instead of the long walk around to the office i ran and jumped up the generator and bounced up onto the wall, jumped off of the high wall, followed by a little forward roll and carry on sprinting fluidly. love it.

so i get my heart racing again, that chemical rush begins to pump, i feel alive and ready. i wana push myself harder and further, i wana upset that caged animal in my head. the fear. that feeling when you don't think it's a good idea anymore and the animal is clawing at the bars in the cage telling you to stop. you sweat, your breathing quickens. love it, this is living. life is a challenge, so challenge life. go for it. i'm already thinking up the next crazy little stunt to bide my time, to give me that little kick, that little buzz until the next time that i can get a proper rush.

i cant go for long with out adrenilin, i am addicted, i am dependant on the feeling of flight or fight. take that away and my spark is gone.

7th May 2007

Driving up the M1 was bleak, the big grey clouds descending upon the land. why had joe and i bothered to venture upto the peaks? a wasted jounery it was to be, when it did rain i was thinking to myself...no where will be open because it's bank holiday.

Junction 29 looms up after an age and it begins to rain; i sigh. My hopes of climbing anything decent today are dashed. Joe looks over and rolls his eyes. However i am determined to keep the faith and so i press on towards chesterfield.

As we near hathersage the sun begins to threaten and suddenly i feel alive. I throw Joe the Guide book with a grin, "Show us the way my friend."

He flicks through to the location "burbage", i wanted to visit burbage south boulders, but somehow we ended up at stanage.

"No problem" i said as i suddenly realise that the plantation left me with a few unanswered problems from my previous visit. i practically run up to the plantation with my bouldering mat.

a few hours of climbing later and finally the group that was hogging the low traverse finally vacated and finally i was ready.

i lay the mat over the precarious rock jutting up from the ground that threatens to damage my already injured back.

I sit down and begin to comtemplate the problem. i stare at it intensely, every move is being played out in my head in great detail. my fingers begin to sweat as i get excited about the prospect of doing this. i concentrate on the finish, it's a thuggy mantel out of the traverse to top out. this was what caught me out last time. "hmm, now should my left hand go there or there"

i slide on my shoes. well, i say slide, i spend an age cramming my battered toes into the V10s, still brand new and very very tight. but oh so good. shoes finally on, i dip inot the chalk pad and play out the problem one more time. im ready.

i sit down at the far left, hold onto the bulge in the arete with both hands and pull myself up so that i can hook my left heel on to the top. tilting my head back i get the view of the rest of the problem, this is where it gets fun because it's unside down so i have to interpret everything and switch it the right way up.

reaching out with my right hand onto a rubbish grip i shuffle my left hand up and match my feet before moving along a bit more. it feels good up to this point. here you drop down slightly onto i small crimpy flake. enough for a few finger tips. i throw my hand across full reach to the right hand side and sink my fingertips onto it. as i bring in the left hand to match i feel the power surging through me. it takes alot of strength to keep a grip and it feels amazing. i amy only be a foot off of the ground but i know i'm in heaven.

i work my feet along expertly heel hooking and using an inverted toe hook. only a few moves left, i reach out again at full stretch to the next hold with my right hand. nothing to grip onto. This is living, sinking your fingertips onto the rock, imagining that you are squeezing out your own hand grip. i feel it biting into the tips and know that blood will be left on that hold. it's my reward, it would be easy to left go and give up. but i wont be beaten, i slow everything down a notch. the moves flow even more gracefully. it's fluid, i feel like i am creating art infront of my friends eyes.

there is a knowing look on Joes eyes that he can't do this problem and that there is respect there despite us both being incredibly competitive.

i lower my right foot to a tiny little feature on the rock and really slowly and controlled i let my left foot which was heel hooking lower and in one smooth movement it mathces gracefully as the right flows up and heel hooks onto the right side.

almost there, i reach up and just out of reach is a small jug that i sink two fingers into, pulling with all my might a roll into the rock, then using my left hand backwards against the grip i mantel out.

Heaven. i stand there happy and content. one more tick to satisfy the hunger. but im not satisfied for long. oh no, it's an insasiable hunger that tells me that no matter how much skin i lose, how much blood i let flow, i must climb and climb and climb.

Curbar came next, there were some lovely problems requiring a few dynos to top out. this was great fun, my friend didnt think so as he was spotting. but being fearless i just warned him,....then jumped, luckly for him i caught and held the top everytime. sadly rain halted play as i was about to attempt strawberries. this is a nice looking 6b problem that appeals to me for some strange reason.

until next time Strawberries.

well the new shoes arrived

i love them to bits. the boreals were getting far too tight, but these are fantastic and painful. very weird climbing in them, you have to use your feet slightly differently due to the huge curve.

i took my beautiful girlfriend climbing the other day. she loves it now. a new convert. she was rather impressive, maybe out climb me if im not careful.

mat and i have our videos up on you tube now so feel free to have a peek. they are rather awesome

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zkz05YGOjc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ox9A5OPle-I

hoping to have another day out soon so watch this space.